Not an Ode

I stood in the doorway

yet another evening

and every footstep I heard

told me that it may be you.

I burnt yet another candle

yet another evening,

and I waited till it burnt out

because it reassured my doubt,

that you will come back just as suddenly as you had left.

I looked into the horizon

and watched the sun go down

the moon watched me ..

like a hopeless soul

who wouldn't stop waiting for someone who'd never return

The howling wind blew the candle off

and chided me for being so juvenile

I refused to listen just the way I didn't

when everyone said , you'd never return

I looked them in the eye and said , he would one day.

I don't have memories of my first toy,

I don't have memories of sharing my joy,

I didn't find you when I stumbled in life,

you were still missing when I had my worst strife.

when I look back

at the footprints I left in time

they only remind me

how you were never there

when you should have been right here.

you left me standing alone

as I stand today

still looking for a father ..

That never was..

There are things to say

and amends to make

I could give you a chance to be a better father

If only I got a chance to be a better daughter..

The Devil and Ms Prym ..Paulo Coelho

I have often thought of the kalighat temple in Kolkata. It is one of the biggest religious sites in India and also one of the biggest red light areas in Kolkata... the tabooed and the sacro sanct co - exist without the raise of an eyebrow.
Why I mentioned this in the context of the book is because it deals with the rather obvious topic of how the good and bad can co - exist, all at the same time...and there is nothing good or bad about it.
Its about how life changes for the inhabitants of Viscos(a small town), when a stranger comes to the city, and incites the villagers to commit a murder and promises to give 12 gold bars to all the residents as a reward to the "devil" in them, to establish that fact that it's always the devil who wins, in the battle of the angels and the demons, all this simply because he was undeservedly left as the only survivor when his daughter was killed by a group of terrorists. Ms. Prym - a young lady who works at a shoddy bar,emerges as the main protagonist as she is the chosen one to voice the stranger's ulterior motives to the rest of the community. She does just that...because she herself needs an answer to who actually wins in the aforesaid battle.
As the story progresses , we get to learn more about the history of Viscos , how it came to be, its religious values, the psyche of the people and a very gripping elucidation of the silent angels at work and the devils who won't give up on the task at hand.
An extremely noteworthy line in the book which stayed with me is, " life can either be too long or too short depending on how you live it."
There are no doubts about the fact that the book is definitely worth a read to find out what the ending is... however what really set my mind thinking, was how often do we acknowledge, that its okay for the devil to rule over sometimes, because in a battle, one or the other is bound to win at one time.
How often do we forget that there is still an angel in us, but probably the devil in us has won so many times that we just don't give the angel a chance.. how often do we let the devil take over simply because we are too used to it.
How often are we spineless enough not to stand up for what we believe in, simply because we want the devils around us to consider our own devils as part of the same gang.
How often are we truly courageous to face life's challenges head on , and choose to do something about it.
come to think of it.. the devil never wins against our wishes.. we choose to let it win...
For the reader of this blog, you'd realise that , this book must have have been really worth its salt to make me think so much about us and our existence which gets from bad to worse everyday ... simply because we choose to let it be!!
Its easy not to be courageous .. but you KNOW that you usually go to sleep feeling like a loser ,because you lacked the courage to defy whats wrong.. more often than not!!

Wandering still..

Her laughter was ringing in the air,
the eyes told a happy story,
if you asked her how she felt
she smiled and said "couldn't have been better,"
but the pain inside her knew better
the cigarette's , the wines, the perfumes ..
the richness all around..
couldn't fill up the hollowness inside her,
she ached in her heart and she tried to reach out,
and she knew how alone she was,
she looked back and she looked around,
and her eyes searched for someone she knew
despite the crowd that knew her "so well"..
she wanted to go home,
but had no one to go back to,
she wanted to walk through the woods,
but had no one to walk with..
she could be your lover, she could be your slave
she could be your dream, she could be your friend,
she could be all of this and more
because she still wanted to know
who she really was..
when she'd count the stars at night,
and let the loneliness engulf her
she'd know that
nothing she had was hers..
and the happy life
wasn't happy enough..

Good/Bad??

There's nothing good and there's nothing bad .. its just what we do and what we don't.. There's nothing that's evil or Sacred..
I murder and I rob.. they say I'm evil , my gang idolises me..
I wander aimlessly ..they say I have no direction in life, my soul loves the peace I am enveloped in,
You cry and I watch.. you say I am cold and indifferent, my reflection tells me I'm saving myself from from crying, because of you tomorrow..
I wish to be loved and known by all, I wish doors to be opened when I walk in, I wish to walk the red carpet of a wonderful life [is it?] .. you say I'm a slave to greed and power, the admires say I give them a dream to live up to,
I say I hate you - you say say it's because you hate yourself and I say ... Its because You make me hate ME!

Life lures us with everything that we don't have.. its strange how we term those to have them as evil, and when we have them we become sacred..

Just a fleeting thought..

Nameless..

You take me to my highest highs,
You take me to my lowest lows,
You tell me that you'd wait for me,
but I still stand alone.
I try not to give up..
I try not to love..
But, to believe and to love..
is all that I have..
It turns out that I am the evil one..
For everything I've said and done..
But how would I know..
that you just weren't worth the truth..
Now I cant find the world,
I thought we were in..
I don't even see you waiting any more..
and again.. I stand alone..
Though once I listened and once I cared..
Now no one listens and no one cares..
I try not to give up
I try not to love..
but to believe and to love..
Is all that I have..

Pornography..

A: So what are we doing tonight?? B: Why dont you guys come over.. my folks are not at home we can chill.. A: That sounds exciting .. do we want me to get something?? B: Nah.. I have the CD's... absolutely new stuff.. A: wow!! see you then..
Lets look at this a little deeply here.. We have become so shallow, that we derive pleasure out of mere display of bare skin??.. so much so .. that even a hint of de-colletage ticks our brain (Male and female alike.. these days you just dont know).... our idea of "FUN" has come to be limited to Pornography..
So guys (and gals) ... we do all of this under the cloak of "everyone does it.. big deal!!"... most often we pass it on as benign pleasure..Do we ever pause to think that probably the women we are seeing there, don't even know that they are being viewed as objects of perversion, at other times they don't mind being viewed as objects of perversion because (probably) they don't have a choice .. The point that I am trying to make here is not that it's wrong ( I guess we know this already) , but that, our concept of being hip,cool, liberated (in case of women) /dominant (in case of Men) ..somewhere or the other co-incides with the three letter word - SEX.. It beats me how people can indulge in child pornography and share rape stories without even a faint consideration as to .. what if this was my child or my wife or sister ... and then the same people talk smoothly in public about the world at large and social issues ..and the society is fooled into believing that s/he is just one of the elevated samples of mankind.. So, what would be achieve if we were to stop seeing pornography.. would the industry stop ?? No.. they probably won't even face any material loss if you weren't to buy their cd or visit their sites.. can't say much about how clear your consience will be.. but here's a story.. "One day a father and a child were walking down a beach and they saw thousands of starfishes on the sand.. there was a huge wave the last night that caused this.. the child started lifting each and every starfish and putting them back into the water.. the father astonished told him.. "what are you doing?" the child said.. "father, they would die if they didn't go back to the sea." The father said "c'mon son, there are too many of them.. what difference does it make?".. the child picked up another starfish and put it back into the sea and said," it made a difference to that one.."
the best alernative.. do the real thing guys.. and do it with honesty!!