Not an Ode

I stood in the doorway

yet another evening

and every footstep I heard

told me that it may be you.

I burnt yet another candle

yet another evening,

and I waited till it burnt out

because it reassured my doubt,

that you will come back just as suddenly as you had left.

I looked into the horizon

and watched the sun go down

the moon watched me ..

like a hopeless soul

who wouldn't stop waiting for someone who'd never return

The howling wind blew the candle off

and chided me for being so juvenile

I refused to listen just the way I didn't

when everyone said , you'd never return

I looked them in the eye and said , he would one day.

I don't have memories of my first toy,

I don't have memories of sharing my joy,

I didn't find you when I stumbled in life,

you were still missing when I had my worst strife.

when I look back

at the footprints I left in time

they only remind me

how you were never there

when you should have been right here.

you left me standing alone

as I stand today

still looking for a father ..

That never was..

There are things to say

and amends to make

I could give you a chance to be a better father

If only I got a chance to be a better daughter..